30 Things I’m Starting to Understand
Five new lessons, twenty-five that built the foundation.
When I first wrote 25 Things I’m Starting to Understand this past June, I didn’t expect it to travel the way it did. It ended up being one of the most read and shared pieces I’ve ever published. Not because I had the answers, but because so many of us are in the same season of figuring life out.
Since then, life has continued to teach. New experiences, new lessons, new mistakes. All of them adding footnotes to what I once thought was complete.
So, this is the updated version: the original 25 lessons, plus five more I’ve learned since. Some of these came from growth, others from friction, but all from paying attention.
I’ll start with the five new ones. And if you’re interested in rereading (or reading for the first time) the original 25, I’ve included them below.
The list still isn’t perfect. It’s not meant to be.
It’s just where I’m at right now. Here’s thirty things I’m starting to understand, from someone still very much figuring it out.
26. DO. Action is what transforms you.
For all the researching, planning, and overthinking in the world, nothing replaces doing.
When I started Present & Progressing back in March, I spent months in my own head — scrolling LinkedIn, Instagram, and every platform that made me feel behind. I wanted to create, but I was consuming instead.
The shift happened when I deleted the apps and just started writing. Publishing that first post wasn’t perfect, but it broke the paralysis. Every article since has taught me more than any amount of studying or waiting ever could.
Action clarifies what thinking can’t.
27. Know your values — or the world will hand you theirs.
You don’t really know yourself until you’ve lived through a few decades, but you should still know who you are today.
Getting clear on your values is one of the most practical forms of self-awareness you can develop. It shapes what you say yes to, what you tolerate, and how you recover when things get hard.
Ask yourself: how do you deal with risk? Are you positioning yourself to take calculated chances while you’re young enough to? Or are you letting comfort disguise itself as safety?
Earlier this year, I wrote about this in If You Don’t Design Your Life, Someone Else Will — how easy it is to follow paths you never chose because they look right from the outside. The antidote is clarity.
These are mine:
My Pillars
Friends and family who challenge me and talk about the big things.
A life partner with shared values and courage to call me out when needed.
Fitness — every day. Sweat, move, stay sharp.
Financial freedom through discipline, not comparison.
Lifestyle flexibility — time and space to explore.
A mentally stimulating career solving real problems with good people.
Impact through teaching and mentoring others.
Continuous learning through travel, reading, and conversation.
Those eight anchors became my compass. They help me decide what to chase, what to let go of, and when to say no.
If you’ve never written yours, try it. Grab a notebook and ask:
Who am I at my best?
What do I want to protect?
What am I willing to walk away from?
Clarity won’t make life easier, but it will make it yours.
28. Stay curious and keep questioning things.
Curiosity keeps you open. It’s what turns reflection into growth instead of ego.
The moment you think you’ve figured it all out, life gets smaller. Curiosity widens it again. It pushes you to ask why, to challenge assumptions, to see familiar things with fresh eyes.
The people I admire most aren’t the ones who know everything, they’re the ones still asking better questions.
Stay curious long enough, and you’ll start to realize the status quo is rarely the limit, it’s just the starting point.
29. Forgive — fully and often.
Most of us carry more baggage than we realize.
Sometimes it’s resentment, sometimes regret, but it all takes energy to hold.
Choosing to forgive is one of the most powerful forms of self-protection. It frees your mental space for what actually matters.
There’s no value in holding grudges or burning bridges. Life has a strange way of looping back. People, opportunities, even closure often return when you least expect them to. And when they do, you’ll be grateful you didn’t let bitterness harden you.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It means refusing to live anchored to something that’s already behind you.
30. Rest is part of the work.
Momentum feels good. Accomplishment feels even better. But over time, constant motion starts to blur everything together.
I’ve learned that progress isn’t only built in the doing, it’s also built in the space between. The pause, the reset, the quiet days that don’t look productive but keep you from burning out.
Rest is where your mind catches up to your ambition. It’s where perspective comes back into focus.
Sometimes the most disciplined thing you can do is stop, breathe, and let yourself recover before you take the next step.
If you’re reading this for the first time, this is where my original list begins — the first 25 lessons that shaped this project and, in many ways, me.
1. Say yes early.
In your 20s, try things. Say yes. Take the weird gig. Go to the random event. Each “yes” increases your surface area for luck.
2. Relationships are leverage.
After a certain point, your skill set and ability matter less than your relationships. Who you know, how you show up, and how people feel after interacting with you will drive your career growth. Invest time and energy into people.
3. Structure creates freedom.
You don’t need a 10-year plan. But you do need daily routines. Guardrails prevent drift. A little structure goes a long way.
4. Hard things give life meaning.
Modern life is easy. That’s not always a good thing. Seek friction. Choose the hard workout. Take on the project that makes you nervous. We grow through effort.
5. You are not entitled to anything.
The world doesn’t owe you success or fairness. But you owe it to yourself to try, fail, and keep going anyway.
6. Financial literacy is a survival skill.
Gen Z has access to more financial tools than ever. The hard part is tuning out fads and fear. Read a few good books. Learn how to budget, invest, and understand your money mindset.
7. Habits make the difference.
Most of what you’re good at now came from boring repetition. That’s great news, you can change anything if you stick with it long enough.
8. AI can’t replace human connection.
The future of work is changing fast. What remains timeless is emotional intelligence. Can you connect, tell a story, or hold a real conversation? Those are the skills that matter.
9. Reinvention is always on the table.
Be multidimensional. Try new things. Just because you’re known for one skill doesn’t mean you have to stay in that lane forever.
10. Mentors accelerate everything.
If you can find one for free, great. If not, pay for it. A good mentor saves you time and shows you what’s possible.
11. Protect your energy.
Avoid people who complain, gossip, or act like victims. It’s contagious. Hang out with people who take ownership and speak life.
12. The journey is the reward.
You don’t “arrive.” Big goals come and go. What lasts is who you become along the way. Don’t obsess over the outcome; focus on the process.
13. You create your environment.
Yes, you’re influenced by your surroundings, but you also get to shape them. Pay attention to your energy, language, and daily habits. You have more control than you think.
14. Presence is a superpower.
Being fully present is rare. Hard, even. But when you find it, on a walk, in a conversation, it’s where the best parts of life live.
15. Adult friendships take effort.
Post-college life doesn’t offer a built-in community. That’s your cue to build one aligned by values, not just convenience.
16. Community > consumption.
Offline matters. Find a hobby, group, or cause that gets you off your phone and into real life. You’ll feel it.
17. Your thoughts shape your reality.
What you think about daily becomes who you are. Start paying attention. Inner dialogue matters more than you think.
18. Think in five-year windows.
If it won’t matter in five years, don’t give it five minutes. Let go of drama, noise, and nonsense. Stay focused on what compounds.
19. Your upbringing does not define you.
If you had a good one, build on it. If you didn’t, that’s okay, it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to redefine yourself.
20. Giving pays dividends.
Call it karma, call it energy, the more you give, the more comes back. And even if it doesn’t? You’ll feel better for showing up generously.
21. Find friends who advocate for you.
The best people speak your name in rooms you’re not in. They open doors for you without expecting anything in return.
22. Relationships require alignment.
You don’t have to agree on everything, but you do need alignment on values, money, and a shared vision. A good partner will challenge you and fill in your gaps.
23. Watch how they treat the waiter.
Want to know someone’s character? Go out to eat with them. If they’re rude or dismissive to service staff, believe what you see.
24. Comparison is poison.
Social media has made it easy to feel like you’re behind. Don’t play that game. Focus on your lane and tune out the noise.
25. Keep learning, always.
There is no final destination. The work, the growth, the curiosity, it doesn’t end. You don’t get “there.” You keep going.
When I first wrote these lessons, I thought of them as a snapshot, a moment in time, capturing who I was and what I was learning at 25.
Now, with a few more months of living, failing, and paying closer attention, I realize that lists like this are never finished. They evolve as we do. Some lessons hold up, others take on new meaning, and new ones keep showing up when you least expect them.
That’s the point. Growth isn’t about rewriting the story; it’s about adding new chapters.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading, for reflecting, and for finding yourself somewhere in these lines. We’re all just doing our best to make sense of things, one lesson, one mistake, one small moment of clarity at a time.
Here’s to figuring it out. And figuring it out again.
These are all such great things to remember!!
Hey, great read as always. It’s so true that real understanding often only cliks once you actually do something. Do you ever find the 'doing' happens almost on autopilot before the 'understanding' fully catches up?