If You Don’t Design Your Life, Someone Else Will

Why most people are living on autopilot and how to take the wheel

A few years out of college, I took a step back and noticed something: a lot of people are winging it, not in the fun, spontaneous way, but in a way that looks like going through the motions and hoping it all just works out. Following advice without questioning it. Making big life decisions because “someone said it was a good idea.”

And I’m not saying that to judge anyone, it’s just easy to slip into. If you’re not intentional, the world hands you a script. Especially now, with the pressure of social media: chase status, seek comfort, look successful, stay busy, do what everyone else is doing. Then one day you look up and think, oh shit—how did I get here?

That’s why I started paying serious attention to how I wanted my life to actually look and feel. Not just what I wanted to accomplish, but what I wanted my days to look like. Who I wanted around me. How I wanted to spend my time. What I wanted to move toward, and what I was willing to let go of.

For me, that meant getting crystal clear on my values.

One of my mentors refers to them as pillars, steady anchors that guide how I work, who I spend time with, and what I say yes or no to.

Here’s what they look like:

None of that happens by accident.

It takes discipline. Boundaries. A willingness to zoom out and ask: Is the way I’m living today aligned with the life I’m trying to build?

For me, the answer only started becoming clear when I defined those pillars. They became my compass. And once I knew what mattered, everything else got easier, what to say yes to, what to let go of, where to focus my time and energy.

So, here’s the check-in:

When’s the last time you paused long enough to ask yourself what you actually want?
Not just what feels convenient or expected—
but what would make you proud, fulfilled, and fully alive five years from now.

Most people spend their whole lives chasing goals they never chose, only to realize too late that they never stopped to define success for themselves.

Not what looks good on LinkedIn.
Not what your friends are doing.
Not what your parents hoped for.
What you want—deep down.

And the reality is, when you don’t define what matters to you, the world is more than happy to do it for you.

You take the job that sounds impressive, not the one that energizes you.
You date or marry the person who “makes sense on paper,” but deep down, something feels off.
You rush to buy a house, not because you want to stay, but because you feel behind if you don’t.

You move to a city that looks cool on social media but doesn’t reflect your values.
You take on debt to project a life you’re not even sure you want.
You stay close to family out of guilt, or push them away out of fear, without ever getting honest about the role they should play in your life.

You try to be everything for everyone: the perfect employee, the perfect child, the perfect partner, the highest achiever.
But at what cost? And to be honest, you will never be all of that.

These traps don’t come from malice.
They come from lacking direction and intentional thought.
From never pausing long enough to ask, “Whose life am I actually living?”

You don’t need to have every answer today.
But you do need to stop outsourcing the direction of your life to other people’s expectations.

Get clear on what matters to you.
Write it down. Name your pillars. Let them guide your decisions.

Because no one else is going to build the life you want for you.
That part’s on you.

And the truth is, when you start living in alignment with your values, things begin to feel a little lighter. A little clearer. You stop chasing and start choosing.

Design your life like it matters.
Because it does.