That Dale Carnegie quote is gold. It's funny how universal and timeless that book is, and yet how much we are forced to live these things out to learn the lessons for ourselves (as you noticed about yourself).
This was a really nice read and spotlights many things I, myself, had to learn or notice... like you, through experience haha. Thanks for sharing Ryan.
Great observations! As a litigator, I was on my feet in court everyday, having to interrupt to do my job. Then I would be in professional meetings and feel in a rush to ask questions or make comments. But when I started working in a very cross-cultural environment where interrupting is very rude, I had to suddenly work really hard to stay quiet and wait to speak. In that culture, maturity and power are marked by fewer words or being invited to speak whereas in mine, power is usually marked by hogging the conversation. It helped me really notice the differences in perspective and as you say, it gives what you say more power because it's more developed, more thoughtful, and borne out of listening and synthesizing.
There’s such quiet power in this. The idea that reflection isn’t the end, but a space between, that hit me. It’s so easy to hide in stillness and call it peace, but what you wrote reminded me that presence asks for movement too. Beautifully said.
I love the emphasis on curiosity here. “It’s not about choosing between listening and speaking, it’s about developing the wisdom to know when each is needed.” As someone who went somewhat in the other direction - from fearing to speak up, to braving it and then finding the balance - this really lands.
"Now I think power means knowing when to wait, and trusting yourself enough to speak when the time is right." <- your reflection on this is brilliant! It reminds me overall of the book by Kate Murphy, "You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters." I read it years ago but it had a profound impact as she goes over how at work or indeed, social settings, we’re taught to lead the conversation, or on social media, we try to curate personal narratives, but what we lack most is the ability to listen, to reflect.
Need to come back and reread it!
... although, I do have to admit, the seashell book cover sold me quite a bit initially too.
What an amazing reflection. Thank you for sharing this. I strongly agree with you, took much many more years to learn it. U have a rule in my own operating system:
My meditation practice over the years really helped me lean into the present more to be able to be a better observer, and ultimately hone into my listening power. Something interesting I experienced recently... through my diligent practice of listening more over the years, and tapping into those "moments of silence" not needing to respond or react.. is that I could now use this practice to "let go".
I actually realized that being able to step back into that silence - which once was about listening, I could not put it into practice to "let go" -- of anything I no longer felt the need to engage with. So to make my point short -- this practice can be very powerful from more than one path of living. I hadn't really thought of it this way until i read your article and then i had my "aha" moment on "letting go" -- I was like "oh that's why im able to let go better".
Yea, and also your story here again is another theme of Contrast. I would venture to guess you had these kind of Stark Contrasts at every major turning point of transformation in your life.
That Dale Carnegie quote is gold. It's funny how universal and timeless that book is, and yet how much we are forced to live these things out to learn the lessons for ourselves (as you noticed about yourself).
This was a really nice read and spotlights many things I, myself, had to learn or notice... like you, through experience haha. Thanks for sharing Ryan.
Thanks Joe, appreciate it! Hope you have a great day man
Great observations! As a litigator, I was on my feet in court everyday, having to interrupt to do my job. Then I would be in professional meetings and feel in a rush to ask questions or make comments. But when I started working in a very cross-cultural environment where interrupting is very rude, I had to suddenly work really hard to stay quiet and wait to speak. In that culture, maturity and power are marked by fewer words or being invited to speak whereas in mine, power is usually marked by hogging the conversation. It helped me really notice the differences in perspective and as you say, it gives what you say more power because it's more developed, more thoughtful, and borne out of listening and synthesizing.
100%! Thank you so much for reading and leaving such an insightful comment. Sounds like you’ve had some similar realizations as me. Appreciate you! 😁
There’s such quiet power in this. The idea that reflection isn’t the end, but a space between, that hit me. It’s so easy to hide in stillness and call it peace, but what you wrote reminded me that presence asks for movement too. Beautifully said.
Exactly, it's a constant balancing act!
I love the emphasis on curiosity here. “It’s not about choosing between listening and speaking, it’s about developing the wisdom to know when each is needed.” As someone who went somewhat in the other direction - from fearing to speak up, to braving it and then finding the balance - this really lands.
Thank you!! 🙌🏻
"Now I think power means knowing when to wait, and trusting yourself enough to speak when the time is right." <- your reflection on this is brilliant! It reminds me overall of the book by Kate Murphy, "You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters." I read it years ago but it had a profound impact as she goes over how at work or indeed, social settings, we’re taught to lead the conversation, or on social media, we try to curate personal narratives, but what we lack most is the ability to listen, to reflect.
Need to come back and reread it!
... although, I do have to admit, the seashell book cover sold me quite a bit initially too.
Love that, thanks for sharing! I’ll have to check that book out as well. Hope you have a great day! 😁🙌🏻
What an amazing reflection. Thank you for sharing this. I strongly agree with you, took much many more years to learn it. U have a rule in my own operating system:
Clarity without kindness is brutality.
Kindness without clarity is betrayal.
You’re here to bring both.
Even when choosing to talk, it is important how
Amazing! 🙌🏻
My meditation practice over the years really helped me lean into the present more to be able to be a better observer, and ultimately hone into my listening power. Something interesting I experienced recently... through my diligent practice of listening more over the years, and tapping into those "moments of silence" not needing to respond or react.. is that I could now use this practice to "let go".
I actually realized that being able to step back into that silence - which once was about listening, I could not put it into practice to "let go" -- of anything I no longer felt the need to engage with. So to make my point short -- this practice can be very powerful from more than one path of living. I hadn't really thought of it this way until i read your article and then i had my "aha" moment on "letting go" -- I was like "oh that's why im able to let go better".
Nicely written!
Thank you! Sounds like your practice has been very helpful :)
Yea, and also your story here again is another theme of Contrast. I would venture to guess you had these kind of Stark Contrasts at every major turning point of transformation in your life.